Laws of Lemons by Shadow

The Law of Hentai and Lemons

(Note: these laws apply to lemons based on anime series and not original lemons, although much of the same laws still apply...)

  1. If there are two characters who dislike each other, they will have sex.

  2. If there are two characters who hate each other, they will have sex.

  3. If there are two characters who, in a million years, would NEVER have sex, they will have sex.

  4. If there are two characters who have repressed feelings for each other, they will suddenly realize the other loves them and then have sex.

  5. If two characters are simply friends, they will have sex.

  6. If one character is involved with another character, they will secretly want a third character, and will later have sex with that third character.

  7. If there is a sexually repressed character anywhere in the series, they will observe or take part in a sexual act and immediately become a sex-starved individual.

    a. If that character is a boy, he will have sex with the person he either hates the most ~OR~ secretly harbors feelings for.

    b. If that character is a girl, she will become a sex-starved nymph and bang everyone in sight, unless she harbors feelings for another character, in which case she will simply become that character's personal sex toy.

  8. If there is a boy who is masturbating and he is caught by a girl, they will have sex.

  9. If there is a girl who is masturbating, the boy will watch her and masturbate as well. The girl will later catch him and he will admit to watching her, and they will have sex.

  10. If the boy walks in on the girl masturbating, she will be very angry and throw him out, and later they will have sex ~OR~ the girl will be angry at first, then very turned-on and they will have sex.

  11. If there are two girls who are just friends, they will have sex.

  12. If there are two girls who are enemies, they will realize they love each other and have sex. This includes sudden realizations of love, one girl saving the other's life, or one girl consoling the other after the second girl realizes the male love of her life is cheating on her, marrying another, or tells her he doesn't like her.

  13. Boy/boy sex will occur under similar instances as girl/girl sex, except boys don't need consoling if the girl they like is cheating on him, marrying another, or tells him she doesn't like him. Boys would rather hit something or get drunk when this happens (being drunk often leads to sex in all aspects of life, lemony or otherwise).

  14. If there is a quiet, shy character in the series, she will follow a similar path as the sexually repressed character. However, if a boy is shy and quiet, he will have a large penis.

  15. All boys will have a large penis.

  16. All girls will have breasts that are larger than they first appear to be.

  17. All girls will be virgins.

    a. All girls who aren't virgins will have more experience than a Times Square hooker.

  18. All girls who are virgins will think their male counterpart's penis is "the biggest they've ever seen!" Since they're virgins, this is probably true. This, of course, still doesn't detract from how stupid it sounds.

  19. All girls who are virgins will be experts at blowjobs, and will have no trouble putting a boy's penis in their mouth and swallowing their sperm.

    a. Girls who are virgin blowjob experts who DON'T swallow will have the sperm shot onto their face, breasts, and/or hair, and they will enjoy it.

  20. Girls who are virgin blowjob experts will always be able to deepthroat, regardless if their first partner is a human, dog, horse, or any other being with a large phallus.

  21. Virgin girls will always give the boy a blowjob before intercourse as a way of lubricant, and will not give any mind to their natural vaginal liquids that should have been generated by foreplay.

  22. The word "pussy" will be used frequently.

  23. The breaking of the hymen will never deter the female from completing intercourse, even though it will hurt like a bitch.

  24. Virgin boys will never prematurely ejaculate.

  25. Virgin boys will always ejaculate more sperm than is humanly possible.

  26. The word "load" will be used frequently.

  27. Virgin boys will always regain an erection within the space of a few minutes. Less time is necessary if they're having sex with their true love.

  28. No matter how big a penis is, it will always fit.

  29. Vaginas are bottomless pits. It doesn't matter if the female is 10 years old and the male has a horse penis, it will all fit inside.

  30. Anal sex will often occur after vaginal sex, and will never require anything more than a few strokes in the girl's vagina for lubricant.

  31. Virgin girls will be in extreme pain when they first try anal sex, but will quickly orgasm from it.

  32. Anal sex will always result in the boy's penis coming out sparkling clean, and often smelling of perfume.

  33. Foreplay is a myth. Bad foreplay is the standard.

  34. Girls will always climax. Never mind if their true love is bad in bed, they will orgasm simply because he is her true love.

  35. Orgasms will always be the most intense in recorded history, but only if the two having sex are true loves.

  36. a. If the orgasm is not the most intense in recorded history, the female will experience multiple orgasms.

  37. If another girl walks in on two characters having sex, they will have a threesome.

  38. All girls involved in a threesome will have no previous lesbian experience, and will still be experts in performing oral sex on the other.

  39. All girls involved in a threesome will 69. This isn't just a law, it's a rule.

  40. If there is a girl a boy likes and she is bitchy, he will rape her.

  41. All girls who are raped will eventually enjoy it and come to love their rapist.

  42. All bitchy girls will be natural dominatrixes.

  43. All bitchy girls will have a secret submissive side that will be brought out by the boy when he rapes her.

  44. If there are multiple male characters (they don't have to have names) they will gangrape a bitchy girl, and she will enjoy it.

  45. If multiple male characters gangrape a shy girl, she will enjoy it and become a sex toy.

  46. If there is a catgirl in the series, she will have sex, and often.

  47. If there is a prominent animal character in the series, it will have sex with the heroine (that animal will also automatically be male if no gender is specified).

  48. If there are two characters that are related in any way, they will have sex.

  49. If a boy or girl has a good-looking parent (never mind what gender) they will have sex.

  50. If there is an underage character, she will be molested by her parent(s).

  51. If there is an underage character who is friends with a legal-age character, they will have sex.

  52. STDs are a myth. They were wiped out with the plague.

  53. Condoms are unnecessary, characters will only get pregnant when they choose to.

    And finally...

  54. If there are ANY characters, at ANY time, in ANY series, THEY WILL HAVE SEX!