How to be a Freshman by aviper2k7

[A typical freshman.] Well I'm a senior in high school. I was a freshman once, I think. You can tell a freshman from another student real easily. Not because of their age, but because of some odd things they do. I often watch and chuckle, "Silly freshmen!" Here's some tips on how to be a freshman.

Trip. All freshmen trip. You can do this by just walking down the hall or my favorite walking up stairs. While you're walking up stairs, trip on one of the last ones as if you didn't see it. Then fall to your knees and slide down a few steps. Throwing your books up in the air is a plus and tripping another freshman while at it will make you a pro. This is usually caused by walking too fast. Which brings me to my next tip.

Always walk really fast. Act as if you're late to everything. Even if you're not late to class, get there early anyways. You can study or something. Be sure to bump into as many upperclassmen as you can. Push your way through, they don't mind. And use a map. Watch the map while walking.

If you see a friend, stop. It doesn't matter where you stop, just stop wherever is most convenient to you. Stop in the middle of the hallway if you have to. Your conversation doesn't have to be important, you will look cool talking to your cool friends. If you're getting pushed, stand your ground. Don't move, you have the right to be wherever you want.

There's only one thing better than stopping. Drop stuff in the middle of the hallway. Then attempt to pick it up. Trying to pick it up may be hard, especially in a full hallway and there's seniors pushing you. You never know, maybe someone will help you pick the lost papers and such and you'll fall in love or whatnot. Freshman love is serious business.

Carry as many books with you as possible. Having five thick books in your hand will make you look smart. Besides, your lockers are hard to get open, you don't want to spend five minutes opening your locker and be late for class. Be sure to carry them with two hands and walk fast as mentioned already. These will also act as a shield or a ram. It's easier to push with them.

Sit wherever you want during lunch. If the table has books on it (especially calculus books) sit there anyways. Just push the books aside. There may be seniors that come back to the table with food. They will probably ask you to leave. Simply explain that they were sitting there and there's an open table over there. At this point they might start to get angry. Just be calm and refuse to move. Watch out, there might be the case where they grab you by the collar and literally throw you out.

Never shower. Make sure you take milk back with you from lunch and leave it in your locker for a month. Smell as bad as possible. This will cause the freshman hallway to stink. This is a good thing because this will keep the upperclassmen away from you.

Remember, you're new blood. This makes you cool. Feel free to talk as loud as you can. Be annoying. Run around. During pep rallies shout your number, you won't get booed. Talk about cars a lot. Even though you can't drive yet, it's still fun to talk about cars. Ask a bunch of questions. They don't have to be smart. Actually ask stupid questions, everyone loves it.