Albino Blacksheep » Text Files » Interview with Susie

 Interview with Susie by Sners

We at were lucky enough to get an interview with Susie. We attampt to discover the psyche of Susie and what makes her tick, but simply asking is not as easy as it seems.

[Picture removed upon request] Albino Blacksheep: How did you discover that shade of pink?

Susie: I dont really recall. I just think it's the most God awful color on the face of the earth. I adore it. I call it 'Crackwhore Pink'.

Albino Blacksheep: Do you know any crackwhores?

Susie: Well, I used the alias [skinny little crackwhore] online for a while, so I guess I'd fall under that category. Somewhere between there, and whitetrash. Other than that, only my little sister, Katie, and a few girls I went to highschool with.

Albino Blacksheep: Are you finally off the crack?

Susie: Oh, yeah. Clean for three years, three months, and three days now.

Albino Blacksheep: I heard from a little bunny that it took you only one minute to lose your virginity.

Susie: Who is this allegedy bunny? And how do they know? Really, I dont recall. I was on crack at the time.

Albino Blacksheep: Well, apparently you know the bunny very "VERY" well.

Susie: [Stands out of her chair] I have no idea what you're talking about. I know no bunnies. Also, I've never met a bunny named Clyde. NEVER.

Albino Blacksheep: Clyde has proof. He even knows your cup size - C

Susie: What the f[*beep*]? How did you know that? Seriously. That's just odd.

Albino Blacksheep: I told you - from Clyde. When did you lose your virginity to Clyde?

Susie: [Finally sits back down] Like I said, I was on crack. My life was a blur back then...

Albino Blacksheep: Clyde told me you wouldn't want to answer that one. As far as you can remember when was the last time you bathed (not in alchohol)?

Susie: Actually, I take a shower a day, sometimes two.

Albino Blacksheep: Two because it's hot or two because you are one nasty dirty girl?

Susie: Can I opt for 'hot dirty girl?' After all, I am a pathological liar.

Albino Blacksheep: You got a pic to prove that?

Susie: Actually, I only took those sort of pictures once, as a joke, and sent them to a friend while he was at work. Just for a laugh, you know? Anyway, evidence has been destroyed.

Albino Blacksheep: Hold please. I just got an email from Clyde with some pictures attatched. Clyde wants me to take a look immediately

Susie: [points] Uh...Look! Over there!

Albino Blacksheep: If I look there then I can't check out the pictures.

Susie: Wow, I hadn't thought of that.

Albino Blacksheep: I guess these pictures can wait.

Susie: Well, if you insist.

Albino Blacksheep: Tell me about "the bar" incident.

Susie: The one in Cancun?

Albino Blacksheep: Okay, that one too.

Susie: Elaborate, please. I've had a few bar incidents...

Albino Blacksheep: "THE" bar incident

Susie: Hold on, I'm going to put them all in a hat and draw one.

Albino Blacksheep: Use the hat ypu didn't throw up in

Susie: Okay, well, I used to work at a bar in Panama City Beach, Florida, and there was this weird Charles Manson looking guy that frequented the bar. He always hot on me, and his girlfriend kept eyeing me like she was going to beat the hell out of me. Finally, I requested to be moved to the back of the bar to work, so I wouldnt have to deal with him. In any event, he kept following me, and they had to call the cops to get him to leave me alone. Before the cops got there, we went outback and, (How can I say this?) he..'had his way' with my car. I had to clean it off that night.

That's an honest to God true story.

Albino Blacksheep: Did the car concent to that?

Susie: She's not that type of car. She may look fast, but she's a real lady.

Albino Blacksheep: Was that the bar incident from last summer?

Susie: Actually yeah. Ironic that you should say that.

Albino Blacksheep: how come it's ironic?

Susie: Er. Because you couldn't possibly have any idea when that had taken place?

Albino Blacksheep: Clyde and I talk a lot.

Susie: I know nothing of this Clyde! I don't!

Albino Blacksheep: So you know nothing of Carl?


Albino Blacksheep: Okay, let's forget about all your many many many bunny lovers. That's in the past.

Susie: Indeed. This is a whole new week.

Albino Blacksheep: What would you like to talk about instead?

Susie: Well, that's your call. You're conducting the intverview.

Albino Blacksheep: Well we can't talk about your sexlife. We haven't got all day.

Susie: [Coming onto Albino Blacksheep] Clever, clever man!

Albino Blacksheep: [Leaves interview and waits until Susie reaches climax before continuing the interview]

Albino Blacksheep: Sorry, I was disconnected. You like cleverness?

Susie: Who doesn't?

Albino Blacksheep: You don't seem like the type of girl that's into brains.

Susie: Yeah, I'm more into money.

Albino Blacksheep: and the clever bunnies get the good jobs to bring in more carrots. Am I right? vree vre vre

Susie: Uh...huh! Vree!

Albino Blacksheep: Why did you make your website?

Susie: Spreading the joys of crackwhore pink and sarcasm to the world, I guess.

Albino Blacksheep: When did you make it?

Susie: Late 1999, I think, though it was a collaboration. It was me, and another author. I claim 'creative differences.'

Albino Blacksheep: Who was the other author?

Susie: My sister, Katie. Actually, it's very hush hush, but we might join forces again!

Albino Blacksheep: I think you two should. It would be 4 times the fun.

Susie: Indeed! The mathematical genius in me had already devised those same figures! How odd!

Albino Blacksheep: Still a C average?

Susie: Yeah. Damn.

Albino Blacksheep: That's just perfect for many people.

Susie: [Pretending she doesn't have a dirty mind] Well, yeah, I guess. It wasn't according to my teachers, though.

Albino Blacksheep: Especially Clyde.

Susie: Indeed.

Albino Blacksheep: what did your teachers tell you?

Susie: Usually to wake up, but mostly, "get out from under that boy's desk young lady!" But, that was back in Juniour High.

Albino Blacksheep: What are you doing right now?

Susie: Actually, downloading songs.

Albino Blacksheep: Which one?

Susie: Well, I just got some Joan Jett, Blondie, and now I'm getting Save Ferris. I'm going to marry Monique one day.

Albino Blacksheep: Aren't downloading songs illegal?

Susie: No.

Albino Blacksheep: Don't you think you got into enough trouble with the law already?

Susie: Haha. Funny you should mention that.

Albino Blacksheep: Tell me..

Susie: No.

Albino Blacksheep: Or, I'll ask Clyde for his version.

Susie: Haha. Do that.

Albino Blacksheep: He said you got caught with fake I.D.

Susie: But, I'm twenty-one.

Albino Blacksheep: Before..

Susie: Im not sure I follow.

Albino Blacksheep: [Trying to get to the good stuff] Nevermind. You obviously have nothing interesting to hide.

Susie: Sorry. I could go commit a crime. I'm about to go to the gas station anyway.

Albino Blacksheep: For your one phone call, call here to complete the interview.

Susie: Okay, but you'll have to send the bail, too.

Albino Blacksheep: [Begins to open picture email attachments] Bye.

Susie: Nightnight.

Albino Blacksheep: [Looks at e-mail] OHHHH MYYY GODDDDDD!!!